Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
