Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
