sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
