I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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