Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
