margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
