Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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