When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
