Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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