Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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