Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Life is so much better after having sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
