I accidentally had phone sex last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
