i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
