just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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