So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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