3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
