He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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