I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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