Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
this hospital has no fireball
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
