i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I believe in your delicious
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
