Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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