There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
accomplished twins. life is a go
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
