wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
