the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
