I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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