It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize