how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
