I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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