I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
