I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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