I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I want her autograph on my taint
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
