First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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