Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I could fuck to npr.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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