somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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