p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
