I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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