I wanna bring you to show and tell
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
