that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize