rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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