I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
