Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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