I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
