my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!