I accidentally had phone sex last night
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
