erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.