Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
