weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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