did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
