I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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