the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
