even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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