capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
