Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
