Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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