So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
