Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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