The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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