also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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