I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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