You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's Friday. Sex?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
