Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
