so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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