My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize