we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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