just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
