i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
