in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
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The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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